Posted by: spiritteacher | June 25, 2009


Basing our happiness, upon the expectations of certain behavior from someone else is the greatest cause of our relationship problems. Many advanced spiritual teachers speak of this very eloquently. It’s what I call the “I love you, but only if you treat me right” syndrome. And of course, the “right treatment” is based upon our expectations. The moment we lay our happiness, our peace of mind and well being upon the shoulders of another, making them responsible for our feelings, our hopes and dreams fulfilled, we are building our life here upon a very shaky foundation. Everyone has lessons here and fears to overcome and so no one can give us what we want or need for true happiness, true healing or true peace of mind.

Let’s take a moment and look at a relationship in our life that is very important; one that causes us our greatest joy and our deepest pain. Let’s ask ourselves a few questions about this relationship:
1. Can I see that I am strong and confident with or without the presence of this person in my life? 2. Do I understand that I am complete, whole and fulfilled as I am? 3. Can I see even a glimmer of light in the thought that no one can take my peace from me unless I give it to them? 4. Do I get it that what someone else does or says about me is more a reflection of them than of me? And the most important question of all, 5. Can I bless this person and love him/her no matter what they do or say understanding that the more fear-filled they are, the more they need my love?

If these questions make us uncomfortable or raise fear or panic within us, we shouldn’t be surprised or upset. In fact we should be grateful. What makes us uncomfortable or fearful is simply the barometer that shows us where we need healing. Now, we are able to stand back, look at and surrender our fear to God and allow healing to happen. We must be patient with ourselves for we are still learning to grow into our own truth. Remember, we have lived in fear for a very long time. Living in the light of our own Loving presence is a new idea for most of us and one we will learn to trust in more and more as we exercise our forgiving muscle over time and turn more and more to God instead of other egos for our peace, our strength, our joy.

The next important step in our healing is to trust in the fact that all of our relationships can be healed and Holy whether that person/persons is in our life right now or not. We do not need to speak certain words, write a letter or even hug or spend time with someone in order to heal our relationship with them. We can do these things if we feel lovingly guided to, but it isn’t necessary. And because there is no death in spirit, they need not even be here in the world for healing to happen. Healing happens when we choose to be at peace. Healing happens when we are ready to let go of past hurts and to forgive and surrender everything about someone that has disturbed our peace. Healing happens when we decide that guilt and suffering in a relationship no longer serves a purpose for us. What the other person experiences from our blessing, our surrender and our forgiveness belongs to God. Our responsibility lies only in our own choices and in our own healing not in someone else’s. The other person or persons can choose healing for themselves when they are ready and if they aren’t ready the only thing we can do is to hold their truth and their light in our minds for them. After all, this is what God does for us. He doesn’t force us to heal, He simply holds our perfection in His Mind for us until we are ready to see it for ourselves.

May you walk in peace today knowing you are blessed and a blessing in the world.


  1. Sharie,
    Thank you so much for bringing insight and peace to your readers and to the world. You are making such a difference!

  2. Thank you, Pam. I feel that you and I are working together. There are no accidents in relationships and so you and I are here together for a purpose. We don’t always draw the people into our lives that we want, but the people we need for our spiritual healing. Sometimes that’s uncomfortable and other times it’s a pure joy. When it’s uncomfortable, it’s helpful to accept that whoever is here with us is here so we can look at our fears and grow past them. In that case the only response to anyone in our lives must be gratitude. Thank you for being one of my joys. Peace and Love, Sharie

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