Posted by: spiritteacher | June 8, 2009

GIVE IT UP

Often people are afraid to give up their fears. They feel their fears and their dramas define them and to give that up can feel very threatening. I was like that for many years. My drama, my painful past was the glue that held me together and made me what I was. I needed it. It was what made me special. I told the story of my past over and over to anyone who would listen. I gloried in my suffering, my victimhood and basked in the pity and sympathy I received for it. But it couldn’t last, because the more I identified with my past, the more miserable I became and the more drama I attracted. Finally, the pain and the suffering, the anxiety, depression and fear became intolerable for me. I had to find a better way because I was making myself physically ill and I knew it. I did the only thing I could do, I surrendered, gave up, flew the white flag. And I remember the exact moment this happened.

I was standing in my kitchen, fear and rage and hurt and depression weighed on me like an anchor that dragged me down, down into a bottomless pit of hopelessness. My stomach was burning with pain from a pre-ulcer condition. My heart pounded as anxiety attacked me and tears poured down my face. “God, I give up.” I cried into the empty stillness; into the dark and lonely fear. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t make things better by myself. I give up.”

A few days later, change began to happen. It was like an unseen hand took mine and led me from this darkness into a new day. There were still challenges and I was still afraid, but when I felt those feelings now, I was able to see with a new clarity that they weren’t me and If I looked carefully, I could see right through them. So over and over and over, I surrendered the fear. And when I did, I was able to let healing happen. I still practice this surrendering and letting healing happen today, more than 20 years later.

THIS IS WHAT I LEARNED:
When you surrender control you gain control. When you let healing happen, the entire Universe is at your disposal. And this control will not disturb your peace because it comes from a place of pure love and after a time only the things that truly matter will register in your consciousness. All the little things that caused you such great stress and discomfort will seem unimportant and laughable. You will still do all the practical things in the world that need doing, but you will do them with confidence and a calm and quiet peace that allows you to accomplish more without stress or fear. Your eyes will be clear, your brow smooth, a gentle smile will rest lightly on your lips and laughter will bubble up freely from inside you. People will think you are the same as always, but you will recognize that you are changed.

May you walk in peace today knowing you are blessed and a blessing in the world.


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